ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
