i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
FUCK WHALES
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
