she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
