How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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