dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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