I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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