Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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