your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
