you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
