i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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