He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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