my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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