no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
