just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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