Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
