Its about making memories worth repressing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
