mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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