When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
