So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
