So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And then he peed in my hair
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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