Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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