She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
