We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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