The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
