I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
