My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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