i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
