I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
