No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
