Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
