Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
