is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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