I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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