You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
