I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
