Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
