who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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