If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
