Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
