Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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