Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
