So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
