she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
