he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
