what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
