im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
