You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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