mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
