I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
