I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
