So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
