After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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