so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
