apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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