I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
