we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
