Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
